Marriage to Please the Lord

One day in Bob Jones University’s Dining Common (where all profound conversations occur!), I heard a lesson on Christian marriage. Five of us were at lunch: a married couple maybe in their early 50s, a much younger couple, married no more than a year or two; and myself.

The older man was away from the table — probably looking for dessert — when the younger man asked the older lady a question: “What do you most appreciate about your husband?”

After thirty or so years of marriage, she responded without pause: “His love. I can just see it in his eyes.”

The younger man, not unnaturally, misunderstood. “That’s great that you still have that kind of love for each other,” he said.

“Oh, no!” she replied. “I don’t mean his love for me. I can walk into a room full of people and see my husband across the room, and I can tell by the look in his eyes how much he cares about the person he’s talking to. My husband loves people.”

There was no doubt about the older couple’s devotion to each other. But the most important element in their marriage was not their relationship with one another; it was the love they shared for people, a love that had given them strength for three decades of active Christian ministry.

Paul warns the Corinthians (1 Cor. 7:32-34) that for the married person life is about one’s spouse. Marriage, then, presents a distinct danger to the Christian: it may effectively curtail his ability to serve the Lord. He may be so concerned about pleasing his wife (or she her husband) that the Lord’s work is left undone.

One response to the danger is to avoid marriage altogether. This is Paul’s preference. But while he recommends his own example as the ideal, he does not forbid marriage. He explicitly states that Christians who marry in the Lord are not sinning (1 Cor. 7:28, 38-39). For those who do marry, Paul’s warning stands not as a condemnation but as an exhortation, an exhortation that calls for a uniquely Christian approach to marriage.

The Christian marriage — the truly Christian marriage — is one in which both husband and wife, cognizant of the danger inherent in their relationship, give first place to the Lord. Rather than worrying about pleasing each other and thus neglecting their higher service, they covenant to serve God together. Serving Him wholeheartedly, they find a satisfaction in one another that far surpasses anything they could have felt had their marriage been about themselves. The marriage relationship is secure because it is held together by a shared commitment to the Lord.

My parents reached forty years of marriage this summer. (They met, incidentally, in a university classroom a few steps away from the desk at which I am writing.) I have watched their marriage during most of those years. I do not know whether they have ever applied Paul’s warning to their own marriage, but consciously or not, they have lived out his ideal. The Lord comes first.

Putting the Lord first does not mean devaluing one’s spouse. Instead, it elevates the marriage relationship. To the world marriage is a union of two people who care enough about each other to share their lives together. A Christian marriage is that, but it is more. To many, marriage is a picture of Christ and His church. A Christian marriage is that (Eph. 5:22-33), but it is more. A Christian marriage is a means whereby a man and a woman serve the Lord together more effectively than they could apart. What more intimate union can there be than for a husband and wife, joined in heart, mind, and will, to present their marriage to their Lord for His use?

We sometimes read advice to pastors about balancing church ministry with family life. That kind of advice has never made much sense to me. As a child I saw no conflict between my parents’ marriage, their care for their children, and my father’s pastoral responsibilities. Looking back, I find it hard to distinguish between the three. Life and ministry were one in our home. My parents, like Dr. and Mrs. R., had found the secret of a successful marriage. They made their relationship with one another all about the Lord, and the rest of life fit into place.

As Paul says, “he that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:32)—and so does the married man or woman who has taken Paul’s exhortation to heart.

---

Brendon Johnson is the administrative assistant to the associate dean of the School of Religion at Bob Jones University

---

Photo by Saeed Sarshar on Unsplash