Why Is Praying So Hard?

Once upon a time, in a world far, far away churches had prayer meeting every week. People knew that coming to church in the middle of the week was primarily for praying, even though a few other activities took place as well. Everyone knew that praying was the purpose and the focus of the meeting. Well, something happened along the way. Gradually other activities, primarily for children and valuable in themselves, replaced the prayer meeting. Eventually more people came for the activities than the praying, and other people just stopped coming. Today not many churches have a church-wide prayer meeting. Although small groups meet for Bible study and praying, most people do not attend these small groups, and the experience of total church involvement in praying together and learning how to pray by listening to many different people pray has become almost extinct. This decline in prayer meeting in America has also occurred during the same period of time that the American culture has sunk into moral chaos.

How do you handle the complex, heartbreaking situations you face? What do you say to the wife whose husband uses much of his paycheck to buy alcohol? What do you say to the son or daughter whose father or mother is abusive, cruelly selfish, drugged, or drunk? What do you say to parents who find out their son’s girlfriend is pregnant? What do you say to the young couple who find out that their soon-to-be-born baby will have physical defects? What do you say to those who are disillusioned by other pastors and churches?

Although you may not know what to say, one option is always available: you can pray. The fastest way to help others is to pray. You may not be able to see them or talk to them, you may not know what to say to them, but you can pray for them.

Yet, we know this. We know the theology of praying. We read books about praying and have a wealth of knowledge about praying. We’ve heard people pray, we know the basic technique, and we know the words to use. We know the needs. So why is praying so hard? (Praying must be hard, since so few individuals and churches have regular times for praying.)

A Matter of Priority

The apostles decided they had two priorities: prayer and the ministry of the Word of God (Acts 6:4). Bible-believing churches have done well on the “ministry of the Word” part. Teaching and preaching the Bible is unquestionably an essential part of biblical ministry. However, we are not as consistent with our praying, either individually or as a church. Incorporating praying into our personal lives and church ministry is very difficult. People sometimes assume that pastors find praying easier since we have plenty of time and perhaps we are more “spiritual” than other people are. Yet praying requires just as much, if not more, effort and dedication from pastors as everyone else, since we have much freedom with our schedule and work. You may be surprised to learn that Sunday is the day on which I find it hardest to pray since the routine and schedule of Lord’s Day is different from other days and much busier.

The difficulty of praying is not unique to our time. Christ encountered people who liked to hear but not do. That is one reason He said, “If ye love me, keep my commandments” (John 14:15; cf. vv. 21, 23). James wrote to people who liked to hear but not do, telling us to be remembering doers and not forgetting hearers (James 1:22). John the Baptist wanted to see evidence of repentance (“doing”) before he baptized people (Matt. 3:8). The disciples did not ask, “Teach us how to pray”; they said, “Teach us to pray” (Luke 11:1). The “doing” has always been hard for us. Christ motivated people to pray by His own example and by His teaching. For example, He told His followers to “ask, seek, and knock” in order to receive, find, and have the door opened to them (Matt. 7:7). Our asking is a key to getting answers. There is not a magic secret to praying. You just do it.

A Matter of Motivation

A strange aspect of praying is that once I start praying, I seem to have crossed a major hurdle. It’s the starting to pray that’s difficult. One reason that starting to pray is difficult is because we are always in a spiritual battle. Ephesians 6:10–20 explains the intense and personal spiritual battle between Satan and his demonic forces and God and believers. The specific dynamics of how this happens are not clear, but the result is clear: Just beginning to pray is hard. Perhaps some of this difficulty relates to motivation. Motivation is an internal desire often created by external circumstances. Since motivation comes from personal interest, what personal interest might the Lord create in order to motivate praying? Sickness, unemployment, personal loss, natural disaster? I have found that I am most motivated to pray when I face serious problems. In fact, I have created many of my own problems by not praying enough, or not praying when I should.

The praying of a properly motivated believer can accomplish much (James 5:16–18). Praying works best when that praying has persistence, personal interest, and some degree of emotional involvement. One key to motivated and energized praying is some personal connection to the need. If someone else’s child is very sick, you are interested. However, if your child is very sick, then you are very interested. Your personal connection to the need is your motivation. When has your praying had intense emotional motivation? Probably when the need was very personal and very immediate.

So if motivation is one of the major incentives for praying, then how do you get motivated? Although the best long-term factor, motivating yourself is hard to accomplish. Usually external factors will be the key to motivation.

Consider national and world events over the last twenty or thirty years. Has any of this motivated us to pray? The tsunami of moral and sexual changes regarding marriage and gender, the horrible increase in violence, the astounding cruelty of people to each other, the lack of moral political leadership, and the dramatic rejection and ridicule of biblical Christianity—has any of this motivated us to pray? If not, then what more events wait in the future to convict our hearts and motivate us to obedience?

Psalm 107:9 tells us that God satisfies the thirsty soul and fills the hungry soul with what is good. How thirsty and hungry have you been recently? Perhaps part of the problem of many Christians is that we usually are not that thirsty or hungry. Your culture and hard work provide such a large degree of personal and family comfort that you usually live very comfortably and satisfied. When those circumstances change, suddenly you find motivation.

Several years ago, my wife and I visited our daughter and her husband for the birth of their first child. At the time, they lived in the southern California high desert, near Joshua Tree National Park. I rented a bicycle for a few days to ride in the park, which contains hundreds of acres of isolated desert. I brought two water bottles with me and froze both of them so that I would have cold water during the ride. However, in the heat, dry climate, and steep inclines I became very thirsty long before the frozen water had thawed enough to drink. I stood on the side of the road, with no one around, begging some drops of water to come out of the bottles. I was thirsty, and I was motivated.

1. M. Bounds wrote, “The church is looking for better methods; God is looking for better men.” I do not know the details of your personal prayer life. I suspect that you know you could do better. I suspect that you know you must do better. When we would rather watch TV for two hours than pray for ten minutes, we know we must do better. Praying is an investment in eternity. Isaiah 62:6–7 refers to watchmen on the walls of Jerusalem, but their work was not military but intensely spiritual and practical. The watchmen were never to be silent, never to seek rest for themselves, always to remind the Lord and not give the Lord any “rest” until He fulfilled His promises concerning Jerusalem. So one motivation for praying is knowing that the Lord includes us in the fulfilling of what He has already promised to do.

Praying can be difficult because we never actually see the Person to whom we are talking. In normal conversation, people can see each other or hear each other. Since God is invisible, praying is a one-way event without any physical person to look at while we pray. Because of this, praying requires a great amount of faith in order to keep praying with confidence.

Perhaps one reason that praying is difficult for us is that praying seems boring, routine, using the same words and clichés and always praying for the same people and needs. Part of our prayer ministry will always involve praying for the same people and needs since most of those people and needs are ongoing and unresolved, such as health concerns and unsaved people. One way to help motivate praying and reduce the “sameness” of praying is to pray the words of the Bible and adapt those words to particular needs and situations. For example, you can pray for specific people to develop the specific fruit of the Holy Spirit (Gal. 5:22–23) or adapt some of Paul’s praying, usually mentioned at the beginning of his letters, to specific people. For example, you can pray the words of Ephesians 1:17–19 or Philippians 1:9–11 for yourself and people you know.

Praying will never be easy. The battle is often unseen, distractions are constant, and motivation sporadic. Nevertheless, we must have praying churches. In order to have praying churches, we ourselves must pray. Without this essential ministry, we accomplish nothing that will last.

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Wally Morris, now retired, was the pastor of Charity Baptist Church, Huntington, Indiana.

(Originally published in FrontLine • July/August 2018. Click here to subscribe to the magazine.)

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Photo by AHMAD BADER on Unsplash