A Spirit-Filled Marriage (2)

Why do so many marriages fail? In Ephesians 5:22-33, we see just how much a marriage needs a good foundation and a good support system.

About noon on March 12, 1928, three employees of the Los Angeles Department of Water and Power inspected the St. Francis Dam. The dam was built in the San Francisquito Canyon, about 40 miles northwest of Los Angeles, during 1924-1926. The chief engineer was the now famous William Mulholland, a self-taught engineer.

Beginning in 1908, Mulholland led the construction of the Los Angeles Aqueduct. This engineering marvel brought water to Los Angeles from the Owens valley, two hundred and thirty-three miles away.

On that fateful day of March 12, 1928, it was Mulholland himself who walked along inspecting his creation, the St. Francis Dam. The dam was 175 feet thick at its base and 16 feet thick at its top. The main structure reached 205 feet in height and spanned 700 feet between hillsides. That morning, William Mulholland had been called by the keeper of the dam to inspect a significant but intermittent leak on the western side where the dam met the hillside. Off and on, the leak discharged between 15 and 22 gallons of water per second, indicating turbulence behind the dam. But Mulholland judged the leak to be normal. Less than 12 hours later at just 3 minutes before midnight, the St. Francis Dam suffered a catastrophic collapse, releasing 12.4 billion gallons of water in just seventy minutes. Hurtling through the darkness, those devastating waters took more than 400 lives. “Some consider the failure of the St. Francis Dam to be the ‘worst American civil engineering disaster of the 20th century.’”¹

What happened? Later studies would show that this concrete gravity dam (meaning that it depended on the sheer weight of the concrete structure to hold back the waters) was deficient. It was deficient in at least two areas: its foundation and its support in the adjacent hillsides. Like every marriage, the St. Francis Dam needed a good foundation and a good support system.

Previously, in A Spirit-Filled Marriage (1), also from this text, we studied the view of God that that Apostle Paul taught in this passage. We learned that the Holy Spirit (who fills us with joy, gratitude and humility) is the key to a God-honoring marriage. Yes, there is a theology behind this thought-provoking passage. And the view of God taught here is essential for a good foundation for marriage. Marriage is a picture of Christ and His Church.

1. Christ is the head of the church, and He is the Savior of the body, v. 23.
2. Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it, v. 25.
3. Christ sets the church apart, cleansing it with the washing of the Word of God, v.26.
4. Christ will present the church to Himself (at the Marriage Supper of the Lamb)² as His pure and holy bride, v.27.
5. Christ is the Lord of the church, v. 29. True Christians are members of the body of Christ, v.30.
6. A marriage – any marriage – finds its deepest meaning in the mystery of Christ and His church, v. 32.

Every marriage will face pressures and stress, just as the St. Francis Dam did. While the St. Francis was under construction, the engineering team noted that the population of Los Angeles was growing rapidly. So they raised the height of the dam by 10 feet. Remarkably, they later added another 10 feet without slowing the project down to add more foundational support.³ When the torrent from the dam collapse reached the Pacific Ocean 5 ½ hours later, still carrying many of the flood victims, the flood was 2 miles wide and moving at 5 mph.

Though many other dams could withstand that much stress, the St. Francis did not have the foundational support to withstand those pressures. Every marriage will face pressures and stress, and it’s important to be sure that the foundation is right. What is the right foundation for a marriage? It is a Biblical theology — a right view of God. Paul makes this connection in verse 31.

For This Cause

Understanding these theological principles gives us a better understanding of the phrase in Ephesians 5:31: “For this cause …” Paul wove his description of the mystery of Christ and His church with the portrayal of a marriage: a husband and a wife. Those who understand this see the connection with Matthew 5:16, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” The theological foundation — glorifying your Father in heaven — helps believers to shine their light before men.

As noted previously, this helps us to understand the connection between Ephesians 5:21 and 22. In the fullness of God’s Spirit, believers are commanded to be “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” These two verses show us that marriage is not a two-way arrangement: it’s a three-way arrangement. It is not merely the husband and the wife, but the husband, the wife, and the Lord together. So the mutual submission in the fear of God illuminates the wife’s submission to her husband as to the Lord. The marriage paints a picture of Christ and His church. “For this cause …” (v. 31) gives both the husband and the wife a vital connection to a foundational view of God.

Scenes in the Spirit-filled Marriage

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” (Ephesians 5:22-33)

1. By the enablement of God’s Spirit, each wife can submit herself to her own husband. 22, 24

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord… Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” (vs. 22, 24)

“For this cause” is connected to verse 22 by the words “unto the Lord.” In other words, each wife should understand the authority structure under which she lives. Both husband and wife are under the Lord.⁴

James Strong notes that the word “submit” is “a Greek military term meaning “to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader”. In non-military use, it was “a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden”.⁵

Remembering the military usage is helpful: Ephesians 6:10-18 reminds us that there is a war on. The wife properly “arranging herself under” (or submitting) to her husband is in the right stance with which to face the enemy and his fiery darts. In Romans 13:1, this word is used for being subject to governmental powers. The same word is used in James 4:7. Using the same word, “Lk. 2:51 stresses that the growing Jesus subordinated Himself to His parents…”⁶

So it’s clear that there are many opportunities for husbands, wives and children to demonstrate submission. This is a good reminder of the various authority structures in which we all serve. The husband who criticizes the authority of his government, his employer or his pastor should not be surprised when his wife and children respond to him in kind. The point of this passage is that the Holy Spirit (which is illustrated by the tender dove) can help the wife fulfill her role. By the enablement of God’s Spirit, each wife can submit herself to her own husband.

2. By the enablement of God’s Spirit, each husband can love his wife. 25-32

It’s important to note that the bulk of this passage is devoted to helping the husband honor God in his marriage.

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”

Through the enablement of the Holy Spirit, each husband can love his wife with a self-sacrificial love. He can do so by understanding that he is painting a picture of the way Christ loved His church. Christ gave Himself for the church. Those who repent and depend upon Christ’s finished work alone for salvation understand this. “For God commended [demonstrated] His love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). In his heart, each man knows that he is a sinner in need of Christ’s salvation. Those who trust Jesus Christ as Lord revel in His salvation and His cleansing power.

So each believing husband can act in the power of God’s Spirit to love His wife and help to cleanse her through God’s Word.

Each husband who does this can rejoice in what his wife becomes — and understands that this is the way that God makes the husband whole. His wife complements — in the sense of “completes” him — making up for his many deficiencies.

Each husband should love his wife in the same way that he loves and cherishes his own physical body. In a remarkable manner, this illustrates the way that Christ acts toward His body, the church. Just as every believer is a member of Christ’s body, so the husband and the wife are one flesh. A great mystery? Yes! But understanding this mystery helps each husband know how to respond to his spouse. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. By implication, the wife must do the same.

As a personal testimony, I can share that I adored my father-in-law and mother-in-law in this regard. Both precious people are with the Lord, but both preserved the sanctity of my marriage to their daughter. For that, I will be eternally grateful.

3. By the enablement of God’s Spirit, each married couple can paint a picture of Jesus Christ and His Church. 23-33

Verse 33 sums up this section: “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” The husband’s responsibility is to love his wife; the wife’s responsibility is to respect her husband. When the husband feels that he is being disrespected, his most natural temptation is to be unloving toward his wife. When the wife feels unloved, she feels tempted to be disrespectful to her husband. But the right approach for each spouse is to honor God by responding rightly to the spouse.

This is an important reminder for all of us in the church: we need to support marriages. For some strange reason, William Mulholland seems to have ignored his 1911 findings about the St. Francis site. He noted that the hillside was made of mica “schist” — coarse grained rock that can be split into irregular plates. So when the waters rose and saturated the hills to the east and west of the dam, and the schist under the dam, it was just a matter of time before it all gave way.⁷ The dam collapsed because of its poor foundation and insufficient surrounding support. Many a marriage has suffered due to the lack of a foundation and inadequate support. But today, we have learned that the Lord is the right foundation for a marriage. By the power of His Spirit, He enables us to honor God – painting a picture of Jesus Christ and His church.

---

Pastor Gordon Dickson, Calvary Baptist Church, Findlay, Ohio www.cbcfindlay.org

---

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash and Photo by Mateus Campos Felipe on Unsplash

1. Case Study: St. Francis Dam (California, 1928). [↩]
2. c.f. Revelation 19:9 [↩]
3. Case Study: St. Francis Dam (California, 1928). [↩]
4. This is why 1 Peter 3:1explains that the conduct of the wife is a powerful reminder to the unsaved or disobedient husband. Her submission to her husband constantly reminds him of his responsibility to the Lord. [↩]
5. James Strong, Enhanced Strong’s Lexicon (Woodside Bible Fellowship, 1995). [↩]
6. Gerhard Delling, “Τάσσω, Τάγμα, Ἀνατάσσω, Ἀποτάσσω, Διατάσσω, Διαταγή, Ἐπιταγή, Προστάσσω, Ὑποτάσσω, Ὑποταγή, Ἀνυπότακτος, Ἄτακτος (Ἀτάκτως), Ἀτακτέω,” in Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, ed. Gerhard Kittel, Geoffrey W. Bromiley, and Gerhard Friedrich, vol. 8 (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1964), 43. [↩]
7. See “St. Francis Dam” [↩]