How to Deal with Criticism
Criticism has a unique way of controlling us. One critical word and we want to rethink everything we believe or stand for.
Ironically, I have been criticized for being overly critical at times. Unfortunately, I have passed this “gift” on to my children. Somehow over the past 11-16yrs of their lives, they have become genius sermon writers. Every time I preach a message they feel is sub-par they are happy to inform me about it. “Dad, I felt like that was more of a lecture than a sermon.” “Dad, your presentation was not very good today.” “Dad, you needed more illustrations.” I honestly have no clue what I would do with them! I am not sure I would ever be able to preach a good sermon without their input!
Usually though, most of our critics are of no relation. They are usually people we have angered in the past, or sometimes people we have never met. They have no interest in making us better, but only a desire to ruin our reputation in the sight of others. When this happens how are to respond?
How are we to respond to our critics?
Take them before the Lord.
I love how Nehemiah took the criticism from Sanballat and Tobiah immediately to God. He went straight to the Lord in prayer, “Hear, O our God; for we are despised: and turn their reproach upon their own head, and give them for a prey in the land of captivity: And cover not their iniquity, and let not their sin be blotted out from before thee: for they have provoked thee to anger before the builders” (Nehemiah 4:4-5).
Nehemiah first took it to the Lord. He handled his criticism valiantly. If he would have responded to his critics first in anger, he would have exposed a side of his leadership that would have ruined his future influence. Nehemiah would have lost the respect of the people at that moment.
We all know people who have lost positions and relationships due to their quick and angry responses.
Jesus says, “…Pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”
If you can’t let it go, go to them.
Confront the issue head-on. Granted, some issues are not worth pursuing, but if you must, go to them directly (Matt. 25:23-24). Matthew 18:15 tells us if someone sins against us we are to “go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone…”.
You can’t live your life on the defense. Nehemiah told his critics, “I am doing a great work, so I am not able to come down. Why should the work cease while I leave it and come down to you?” (Nehemiah 6:3).
If you are in a public office or position or have a large online following, you will simply not be able to deal with all your critics personally. In situations like this, you must learn to move on and let God sort it out.
Don’t take it home!
I know this one is much easier said than done. Your family does not need to be carrying the load of such things. Leave it at the office or in the car. Don’t allow it in your front door. Protect your family and those closest to you. You know they love you and would defend you, so why test their loyalty?
I once heard a story about a pastor who had a tree between his driveway and home. Every day when he would arrive at home he would walk past the tree, touch it, and go into the house. His neighbor watched him do this routine week after week until finally, his curiosity had the best of him. One afternoon while they were talking in the yard the neighbor asked about this strange touch of the tree. The pastor responded, “Every day I come home I mentally hang the burdens and issues of the day on the tree. I never take them inside.
Matthew 6:34- “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things…”
Give fist bumps not a fist raise (see pic).
Our flesh desires to react and put our critics in their place. DON’T!
“Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head” (Rom. 12:20).
I’m not exactly sure what it means to heap coals of fire, but I think I know enough to draw a conclusion. A modern idiom that goes along with that might be “kill them with kindness.” What I do know is you can’t allow this person to become your enemy.
Our Lord Jesus says, “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matt. 5:44).
I feel for all of you who are dealing with this right now. It is not easy to endure. Rest assured if we take the teachings of Jesus, and the example of Nehemiah, it will help tremendously. As Jesus says in the above verse, pray for them. Prayer might not necessarily change them, but it will change your attitude toward them!
God bless and press on my friends!
Treg Spicer is pastor of Faith Baptist Church – Morgantown, WV. Follow his blog here. We republish his articles by permission.