The Compounding Effect of Marital Arguments
When we get away from biblical thinking, fail to communicate with our spouse, and blame one another for our failures, we lay groundwork for increased marriage problems in the future. That’s what happened in Eden and this residual outcome continues for us today. Consider the following ways that this can play out.
Raising children becomes more difficult. (Gen 3:16)
Though this challenge applies directly to wives, we can apply this to marriages in general, too, just as we can with the subsequent observations. Following this marital dispute, God let Adam and Eve know that having children would become more difficult. Though this increased difficulty begins with the childbirth process itself, it continues onward throughout the entire process of raising children in a fallen world. Disagreements in marriage make having and raising children more difficult.
Question for Discussion: How do the challenges of maintaining a harmonious marriage increase the difficulty of raising children?
A spirit of competition threatens necessary cooperation. (Gen 3:16)
Since Adam failed to make the right choice and guide his marriage properly then Eve would struggle with an ongoing desire to take charge. One marriage breakdown can break down trust between spouses, making it harder to trust one another in future decisions. If a husband gets lost on a road trip, for instance, the wife will want to take charge of the directions the next time they go on a road trip together. This is a silly illustration of the spiritual dynamic that takes place in a marriage when arguments occur. As arguments and disagreements occur, the temptation to compete with one another rather than cooperate with one another increases.
Question for Discussion: What can you do to overcome this tendency in marriage?
We develop unrealistic expectations for one another. (Gen 3:16)
The phrase “your desire shall be for your husband” also seems to convey the idea that a wife will have unrealistic expectations of her husband. Over time, she comes to expect too much from him rather than loving him for who he is. This same dynamic can also occur of a husband towards a wife.
Question for Discussion: How can a husband or wife develop realistic expectations for their spouse?
Exhaustion and stress from work complicate our marriage relationship. (Gen 3:17-19)
Because of the first sin, God said that physical labor and providing material resources for the family would become increasingly difficult and painful. To be sure, breakdowns at home make doing your work more difficult, but the day-by-day challenges of your trade and career make marriage more difficult, too. How many arguments in marriage are the result work-related issues like exhaustion, not earning enough income, working long hours, or letting a job or promotion pull you away from family duties?
Question for Discussion: How have work-related issues complicated your marriage?
The challenges of marriage should motivate us to go forward not give up.
The fact that arguments and disagreements occur in marriage is no reason to avoid getting married, neither is it a reason to abandon your marriage apart from some extreme circumstances that God acknowledges (like abandonment, abuse, and adultery).
Immediately after the first falling out between Adam and Eve, they quickly resumed their focus and recommitted themselves to fulfilling their God-given purpose – caring for the world and raising children. Even the challenges (and disappointments) of raising children did not deter them from fulfilling this purpose together. When we move forward in our marriages (rather than resist or withdraw due to difficulty), we fulfill God’s purpose for our marriage – to make the world a better place and raise children for God’s glory.
Question for Discussion: Are you tempted to back away from God’s purpose for your marriage due to the challenges of marriage?
By acknowledging and overcoming these challenges, we fulfill God’s purpose for our marriages, not by aiming for perfection and bailing out when we fail. True love perseveres through difficulties and makes a difference for God as a result.
If Adam and Eve failed in the Garden of Eden, then we should not be surprised when we fail, too. If Adam and Eve didn’t quit in their marriage, then neither should we – especially since we now have Christ as our Savior, the Spirit as our enabler, the Scripture as our guide, and the church as our supportive community!
Thomas Overmiller is the pastor of Brookdale Baptist Church in Moorhead, MN and blogs at Shepherd Thoughts. This article first appeared at Shepherd Thoughts, used here with permission.