Do You Talk Too Much, or Not Enough?

“In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise.”
— Proverbs 10:19

There are people in my life whom I cannot ever remember hearing sin with their words. It’s remarkable, I know. My father was one of them. He was the kindest person I’ve known—very careful with his words, an encourager. He didn’t avoid sin by being silent, but by offering encouragement and reproof. He was willing to confront when necessary. He did it with me fairly often, and with peers, I later found out. He was not a man of many words. He didn’t talk all the time. I remember watching him and knowing the “wheels were turning” inside that engineer’s brain.

I, however, have sinned with my words more often than I’d like to count. I’ve had to go back and ask for forgiveness many times. So, I’ve learned to be sparing with my private words. Many think I don’t speak enough—and they might be right. In compensating for one temptation, it’s possible to err in the opposite direction. So here I am, in print, baring my weaker side to you in the hope that we might learn together.

Talking for Entertainment Is Dangerous

Every conversation should have a spiritual purpose—even if that purpose is simply to make a connection. A conversation about my favorite basketball team, for example, can be a way to build rapport. In that sense, talking about the weather, hobbies, sports, politics, or current events can have redeeming value.

The danger in too much talking arises when the entertainment value lies in the drama. And when we enjoy talking, it’s easy for the conversation to drift there. Here are some danger zones where many words can lead to sin:

1. When Words Are Judgmental

There’s nothing wrong with pointing out sin when appropriate, or seeking counsel on how to deal with someone else’s sin. But there is something very wrong about assessing the value of another person—someone for whom Christ died and who is the object of His love.

Even though police officers may do it often, Christian law enforcement personnel should not call anyone a “dirtbag,” for instance. This also applies to comparative judgment: “He is better than she is,” or “She is a better person than he is.” It’s not the positive side, but the negative side of that comparison that is dangerous. You cannot see someone’s heart. You do not know them as God does.

2. When Words Are Suggestive of Sin

I’m a baby boomer. I grew up watching 1960s television sitcoms like Gilligan’s Island and Bewitched. As an adult, I went back and watched some of those episodes and was shocked at how much suggestive humor they included—humor that went right over my head as a kid.

Suggestive humor can be a form of flirting or a titillating inside joke meant to show how witty we are. None of that is appropriate for a believer.

3. When Words Are Speculative

Political conservatives often fall in love with conspiracy theories. These theories take known facts and weave them into narratives that go far beyond what the facts support. They assume actions and motives that are unknown, and they create division. Occasionally, one turns out to be true, which only fuels belief in the more fanciful ones.

We cannot think this way about fellow believers or those with whom we have Christian relationships. Our standard is love, and 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 includes not thinking evil of others. When you assume the worst about someone and speak to others about it, that becomes gossip—or worse, slander. That is sin.

1 Corinthians 13 also says we rejoice in the truth. Thinking no evil doesn’t mean ignoring the truth when it becomes clear.

4. When Words Make You the Hero and Others the Villain

Be cautious of the person who is always the hero in their stories. Like this post, I can probably do more good by acknowledging my failures than by trumpeting my successes. Besides, any good in me is the work of Christ alone. I can’t take credit for that.

5. When Words Damage Another’s Reputation

A reputation, like trust, takes a lifetime to build and can be lost in an instant. When you steal someone’s reputation, you steal one of their most precious possessions. God sees that, and He will judge. This is why false accusation—bearing false witness—is such a grievous sin. It’s also the root of injustice.

Sometimes it’s not specific accusations, but vague impressions that damage reputations. A girl calling a guy “creepy” or a young man calling a young woman “slutty” can be extremely harmful (and yes, girls, it’s the same type of thing). These are, at best, unkind and usually based on superficial impressions—looks, dress, or perceived behavior. This kind of labeling is not Christlike, even if the person behaves differently than we think they should.

6. When Words Should Be Private

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” — Matthew 18:15

When someone sins against you, the first step is NOT to tell your friends. Jesus instructed His disciples specifically not to do this. The word alone in Matthew 18:15 is there for a reason. Seeking counsel on how to approach the situation is wise, but sharing it with peers is a direct violation of Scripture.

The first conversation about a sin or disagreement should be between the two people involved. This takes courage, but fear is not a biblical excuse. If that doesn’t lead to reconciliation, there is a next step. The Matthew 18 process treats sin seriously and helps prevent future harm. Any other process either minimizes sin or divides groups—families, coworkers, churches, classmates—into opposing camps. That does not accomplish the will of God.

For some, talking less is the right step. For others, talking more is essential. But for all of us, glorifying God with every word is non-negotiable.

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Get the audio version of this post here: Do You Talk Too Much, or Not Enough?