The Sorrow of Saying Goodbye

Imagine trying to give a posthumous goodbye to someone you deeply loved after that person died from murder, an accident, or an overdose from illegal drugs. Imagine slowly saying goodbye to a loved one who is dying from incurable disease. Imagine trying to formulate a goodbye to a spouse who suddenly ends your marriage by divorce. Imagine saying goodbye to a pastor who is coming to the end of a life-long ministry.

As a Christian, pastor, and police chaplain, I have directly or indirectly observed the goodbyes I describe above. From what I have seen, whatever the circumstances may be, there is sometimes great sorrow in saying goodbye. Thankfully, the Bible speaks to these moments to provide some salve for the sorrowing soul.

Illustrations of Sorrow When Saying Goodbye

Consider David and Jonathan. They promised and kept their loyalty to one another in difficult times, a powerful illustration of friendship for us today (1 Sam 18:3; 19:1; 20:8, 13–17, 42; 22:8; 23:18). Saul’s treachery forced David to depart from Jonathan and caused great sorrow between the two: “David… fell on his face to the ground and bowed three times. And they kissed one another and wept with one another, David weeping the most” (1 Sam 20:41). After they departed in peace (1 Sam 20:42), Jonathan died in battle (1 Sam 31:2, 6), and David lamented his death (2 Sam 1:17, 26). They both knew the sorrow of saying goodbye, and David’s sorrow increased after Jonathan’s death.

Consider David and Absalom. Even after Absalom usurped his throne and died from the jabs of Joab and his men (2 Sam 15–18), David bitterly mourned Absalom’s death (cf. 2 Sam 18:31–19:4): “And the king was deeply moved and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept. And as he went, he said, ‘O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!’” (2 Sam 18:33). Joab rebuked David, lest his ongoing sorrow overshadow their victory and his rightful return to the throne (2 Sam 19:5–8). Here we see David’s sorrow in the death of a wayward son.

Consider David and his infant son. As a consequence for his sins, David saw his infant son decline from sickness over the course of seven days (2 Sam 12:14–15, 18). During this difficult week, David prayed, fasted, wept, and forsook sleep so that the Lord might graciously let his son live (2 Sam 12:16–17; cf. 12:22). But once his son was dead, David went about his life (2 Sam 12:18–20). After his son’s inevitable death, David took hope and sorrowed no more (2 Sam 12:19–23). Sometimes sorrow is “pre-grieving” and takes place while anticipating the goodbye.

Consider the Ephesian elders and Paul. As Paul traveled to Jerusalem and knew that conflict would come (cf. Acts 19:21; cf. 20:16, 22; Acts 21:11–14), he stopped at Miletus to see the Ephesian elders one last time (Acts 20:17). He saddened them with this statement: “And now, behold, I know that none of you among whom I have gone about proclaiming the kingdom will see my face again” (Acts 20:25). Their response? “And when he had said these things, he knelt down and prayed with them all. And there was much weeping on the part of all; they embraced Paul and kissed him, being sorrowful most of all because of the word he had spoken, that they would not see his face again. And they accompanied him to the ship” (Acts 20:36–38). In this, we see a bittersweet mix of affection with sorrow and how to give a great, though sad, farewell (cf. also Acts 21:5, 16).

Consider Timothy and Paul. After serving with Paul in ministry for some 15–20 years, Timothy stayed in Ephesus while Paul traveled on (1 Tim 1:3). Paul reflected later on Timothy’s emotion in this parting and expressed his desire for days ahead: “As I remember your tears, I long to see you, that I may be filled with joy” (2 Tim 1:4). Even though their absence from each other was temporary (cf. 2 Tim 4:9, 21), Timothy’s tears showed his sorrow in saying goodbye.

And there are more examples – the sorrow of Abraham (Gen 23:2), Jacob (Gen 35:19–20), many others, and our Lord Jesus Christ (John 11:35). As to our Lord, who can begin to comprehend His sorrow as He was forsaken on the cross (Matt 27:46)? As He “carried our sorrows,” He was “a man of sorrows” in a way that we will never experientially know (Isa 53:3–4). 

Letting the Bible Speak to the Sorrow of Saying Goodbye

Sometimes we sorrow in saying goodbye to the living, hoping to see them again. Sometimes we reunite, shedding tears of joy (e.g., Gen 45:14–15; 46:29).

Sometimes we sorrow in saying goodbye to the dead, whether family or friend. As they have died in Christ, we know we will see them again (1 Thess 4:13–18).

Sometimes we sorrow in losing a spiritual leader who has ministered deeply to our souls. As Christ continues to build His church, giving new leaders when some may go (Matt 16:18; cf. Eph 4:11), we know that He still shepherds His people and oversees our souls (Acts 20:28; 1 Pet 2:25). He even does so by prompting our memories of past leaders and moving us to imitate their faith (Heb 13:7; cf. 13:20–21).

Sometimes we sorrow in losing someone who never found eternal life. As they have died in sin, we entrust their souls to God who is sovereign, good, and wise. For a sorrow even as profound as this, He will wipe away our every tear (Rev 7:17; 21:4).

Final Thoughts

For the few sorrows that I have seen, I suppose that this post is my attempt to “weep with those who weep” (Rom 12:15). As a pastor, it is difficult to watch someone go through the sorrow of saying goodbye. I am sure that I will have some sorrows in saying my own goodbyes in years to come. For us all, may God gives us comfort and grace in these times, looking to Jesus who carries our sorrows and will wipe our tears away one day.

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David Huffstutler is the pastor of First Baptist Church in Rockford, IL. He blogs here, where this article first appeared. It is republished here by permission.

Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash