Sex Education in the Family
The first substantive conversation my wife and I had with our children about reproduction was when they were about seven years old. Even before that my wife, the science teacher, refused to use “baby talk” when talking about the issue.
Our son, Kristopher was three years old when his baby sister was on the way. One of the ladies in the church thought it would be cute to ask him if he knew where his little baby sister was at that moment.
“In mommy’s uterus!” he volunteered without hesitation.
We determined to have discussions about reproduction and sex with our children often and early. After all, it is a part of life and it is a gift of God that is not shameful. It is more necessary now for parents to take the lead in talking with their children about gender and reproduction. Today, it is common for kids to ask questions about homosexuality before they are curious about basic sexuality.
The kids that grew up on the farm learned reproductive biology as they watched the animals they were raising multiply. Kids that grow up in the suburbs and city are not so familiar. They learn about sexuality from their friends, who learn it from their older siblings. Most of the time (yes most) their introduction to sex education comes from viewing pornography on a smartphone that belongs to them or to one of their friends.
Sex was created by God and is not shameful.
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4
This verse addresses the balance that most Christians fail to navigate. God-given, married, sexual relations are not just allowable, but honorable before God. Yet fornication and adultery are worthy of judgment. In trying to keep our children from the latter, we treat the former as if it is shameful and evil. It does not work. If you try to preserve your child’s innocence on this issue, you will only leave them open to the lies of the wicked one.
Parents are responsible for teaching their children about biblical principles of sexuality.
And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. Deuteronomy 6:7
Have you ever noticed how much of the Old Testament law addresses sexual sin? The Law addresses fornication, adultery, homosexuality, transvestitism, and even bestiality. God commanded the children of Israel to teach their children this law. If they obeyed this command, they also had to broach these subjects and the questions that would inevitably arise. The New Testament commands us to raise our own children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Do not be selective about the scripture you will reveal to your children. Teach them the entire counsel of God.
It is much worse to wait too long than to start too early.
and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. 2 Timothy 3:15
Consider the scriptures that were taught to Timothy in childhood. It was the Old Testament which included the Old Testament law and the graphic condemnations of sexual sin in Proverbs as well as the glorification of the physical act of marriage in such passages as Proverbs 5.
We were discussing this in our adult Sunday morning Bible study just a week ago and one of the women declared that she did not know where babies came from until she was 18 years old. Her parents did not really forbid immorality except in a very staunch Roman Catholic sense, but they also did not give her the knowledge she needed to make informed decisions. As a teenager, she could have easily gotten pregnant and would not have even known how it happened! Kids need to know why, and they need to know it as early as possible in a way that is appropriate to their ability to understand. Otherwise, our presentation of God is that He is some sort of great cosmic killjoy who just doesn’t want us to have any fun, rather than the Designer of the universe and of our bodies Who has given us wise instruction on how they have been designed to function.
Children tend to treat the first person who tells them something as the expert on the subject.
There is a reason that God commands parents to teach children such things. Who else should do it? Their uninformed and sinful friends? Their school? Do you want the pastor or the youth pastor to come to your house and have this conversation with your children? Of course not! Besides, this needs to be an ongoing conversation—an “in the way” conversation. If you are willing to talk to your children freely about sex and the biblical principles that apply, they will return to you to ask questions later. If you act embarrassed and ashamed, they will go elsewhere for the information. They will go to the person who is willing to talk and that person will become their counselor and authority. It must be you.
The younger the children are, the less embarrassing the conversation is.
It’s the junior high and high school-aged child who becomes embarrassed talking about sexuality. The elementary school child is used to taking new information like this and usually handles it in stride. At seven years old we talked with our children about the fact that reproduction takes both mommies and daddies, eggs being fertilized, and even the sexual act in a very generalized way. The common reaction of the child was “Oh, OK. Can I go play now?”
This is not a one-time conversation.
In 1985, Tim LaHaye produced a helpful book entitled Sex Education is for the Family that explained in a fairly easy to comprehend way when and what kind of conversations parents should have with their children at various ages and stages. While the book is dated, these principles are not. Focus on the Family put out a similar book in 2013 called The Focus on the Family Guide to Talking with Your Kids About Sex: Honest Answers for Every Age. There are more resources you can find with a little research. This is your obligation as parents. This subject cannot be adequately addressed with one “birds and bees” conversation. It must be a continuing and evolving discussion throughout life as you prepare your children for the very adult and beautiful relationship called marriage.
Marriage is honorable in all and the bed is undefiled.
Listen to this post on our podcast, here, or subscribe via Apple, Spotify, or other providers.