Does Viewing Pornography Biblically Justify Divorce?
This is a loaded question and I do not believe I have the answer to it, but it is a question that many pastors are facing today in helping married couples through these horribly sinful times.
Are divorce and remarriage ever permissible?
This is not the question for this article. If you believe that divorce and remarriage are never permissible, then, the question in the article title is moot. Many good people, knowledgeable people, differ on this point, and it really has nothing to do with being theologically left or right. In a set of articles (1984) in Jerry Falwell’s Fundamentalist Journal, Jay Adams and Charles Ryrie took opposite positions on exactly this question. In a Point/Counter Point series, Ryrie argued that it was never biblically permissible while Adams argued that it was in certain circumstances. In an amazing twist of circumstances three years later, Charles Ryrie’s wife divorced him. Believing that divorce and remarriage were never biblically permissible, Ryrie chose to remain single the rest of his life, even though his wife married another man.
Let’s assume the most commonly held position is that when someone commits adultery their spouse is biblically allowed (but not commanded) to seek a divorce. The real question is whether pornography use rises to the same standard as actual physical adultery.
But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28
For many, this is the answer. Viewing pornography is adultery according to Matthew 5:28—case closed. Serve the papers and get that creep out of here!
But wait a minute. If that reasoning is correct, any lust in the heart would allow for divorce. There is an inner thought life for every person that could be very scary. We must conquer sin in the mind but lust is a sin that every man—every one—must fight with the power of the Holy Spirit and even more so in our ever more provocative world. But it is not just men. Every woman who reads and is sensually stimulated by a romance novel (or movie) would also be a divorce candidate.
Jesus also said this.
You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’ But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. Matthew 5:21 (see also 1 John 3:15)
For this same reason, we could biblically justify executing people for hate in their hearts, which is a preposterous conclusion.
The point that Jesus was making was not that lust is exactly the same thing as the sin of adultery, or anger is exactly the same thing as murder. He was saying that heart sins are also real sins and proving the point that we all have corrupt hearts. We can sin in our mind and we must fight sin there in the power of the Holy Spirit.
But pornography is more than a heart sin.
It is in between the two. It is hard to quantify how it is different, but instinctively and truly we know that it is. It is acting on lust that is greater than simply having lustful thoughts, but it does not rise to the level of actual physical adultery. Viewing pornography acts on sinful desires in a different way than just lust in the mind. And there are so many different ways in which it manifests, that must be considered. There is a huge difference between someone falling into sin for a short period of time out of curiosity and a person who is deliberately and unrepentantly addicted to it for decades—and a person can be anywhere between those two extremes. The former seems a lot more like heart lust, while the latter seems a lot like deliberate adultery.
So, is the answer yes or no?
Viewing pornography does not automatically biblically justify divorce.
I do know that some biblical principles do apply. God calls on all believers, according to 1 Corinthians 13 to love one another—which includes being longsuffering, bearing all things and believing all things. Every believer ought to be motivated by love—especially for their spouse—rather than by humiliation or disgust. Many men, who truly love their wives, and are miserable in their sin, feel trapped by pornography. For a remorseful and repentant husband, a compassionate wife who loves her husband and reaches out to love him and help him in such a circumstance can be a powerful influence for good.
There is only one person every believer must please. It is our Lord. That is the answer to every decision we face. Will this choice please my God? What people often want is for God to reluctantly allow us to do what we desire even though He does not like it. That is not how God works. He does not bend His moral will to our desires when we want it bad enough.
For the unrepentant, following a Matthew 18 process for church discipline would be a more biblical route than seeking to end the marriage in civil court.
We also know that there are more severe biblical consequences for those that sin openly and include others in their sin than those whose sin is in shame and in private (Matthew 18:6). When a pornography-addicted sinner is open about it, unrepentant, and shows it to others, he enters a different level of sin and a different level of consequence. There are certain situations in which a wife might biblically separate from her husband for the sake of her own safety or for the sake of her children.
But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. 1 Corinthians 7:11.
It might be that in some rare severe situations, this passage might come into play, but I am still working through this idea.
There are no easy answers here, but forgiveness, restoration, and victory are available to those who confess their sin, repent of it, and walk in the power of the Spirit.
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