Are Mothers Being “Forced” to Leave Their Jobs to Raise Children?

That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:4-5) 

I know that this verse is obnoxious to many. They are certainly free to forge a different path if they want.  But that does not negate the fact that many women how found joy and fulfillment in choosing for themselves a biblical pattern.

In an article dated May 5, 2023, in the online periodical Fast Company, Sarah Bregel reported on the grim state of motherhood in America. She cited a survey by Motherly’s on the state of motherhood. It’s a real feel-good (note sarcasm here) article coming out the week before Mother’s Day.

The main point of the article is that motherhood is grim because mothers are leaving the workforce to care for their children. She gives a couple of reasons for this horrible (in her view) turn of events.

• Childcare is crushingly expensive.

For many moms, that crushing expense is more than reason enough to stay home; 52% of those say they would need more affordable childcare to return to work. 

• Men, as in husbands and fathers, are not carrying their fair share of childcare duties.

If you’re wondering where dads are in the equation, so are we. Because, while women are being driven out of the workforce by a lack of solid, affordable childcare options and scheduling conflicts, that’s not uniquely a female problem—it’s a family dilemma. At least, it should be. 

She is bothered that even though women are virtually equal with men in income (45% of wives earn the same or more than their husbands) it’s still predominantly mothers who are choosing to leave the workplace for home.

Let’s consider some insights that Sarah blatantly ignores.

Childcare is expensive because childcare is hard . . . and extremely important. Most parents know that the industrialization of childcare is an inherently bad idea. Parents care about the welfare of their children and understand that “you get what you pay for” applies to raising children too. They have seen the mess that the public school system has made of their children’s heads when they got a close look during the Covid crisis. There are some things you just have to do yourself.

For many women—maybe most women–staying home and nurturing children is a more fulfilling job than punching a clock at the office. It should be. Cultivating the next generation of human beings might be our most important responsibility as humans. It certainly is more important than making sure ACME Co gets its order of widgets. Why do we keep measuring value by wages? Everyone knows it’s a foolish and unhappy standard.

The writer never seems to acknowledge that marriage is a partnership and these couples are TOGETHER making the freewill choice for mom to go home instead of dad. Even in these days of bottles and baby formula, Mothers of newborns tend to want to breastfeed their children. Dads cannot do that and never will. There is a biologically driven nurturing role that mothers are uniquely suited to fill. I remember watching with wonder as my wife cared for our preschool children many years ago. I could never match her. I tried as hard as I could to step in and carry my share, but she was so far beyond my abilities. She wanted to stay at home and raise our small children and I worked even harder so that she could do it.

I cannot believe that I am alone. After our children began attending school full-time, my wife began a career as a middle school and high school science teacher. She excelled at that too. However, she is trading in the books soon for full-time grandmother duties. She could teach for as long as she wants as far as I am concerned, but if she wants to make the switch, I am fine with it. I don’t mind continuing to provide the income necessary for our household to function.

The author makes it sound like the moms get all the bad breaks and men get it easy.  She might consider this AFLAC survey.  While women are sleeping more, men are sleeping less.  72% of men know they have some sort of mental health problem but don’t know who to talk to about it. 46% of the moms are already in therapy. In contrast, less than 47% of men even get an annual physical let alone needed counseling.  The biggest stressor for both men and women is household finances. That is a product of Covid, inflation, taxation, and overall economic conditions. These are tough times for everybody—women and men.

Sarah ends her article with this zinger.

More moms staying home wouldn’t be so bad if they were doing so, happily. But becoming a stay-at-home mom when it doesn’t feel like a choice, which it no longer does, screams 1950s. Sixty-two percent of women say they are getting less than an hour a day to themselves, which explains why 46% are actively in therapy. 

It’s always a choice. Do you really think that these moms are making this choice because they think it’s the inferior one? If you think that working, being married, dealing with childcare providers, and splitting house duties is a better way to get more free time, you are just plain delusional.

You sound like an HR department head that is frustrated that your workers are leaving the company for greener pastures.