Anger Management (from Proverbs)
If a parent constantly criticizes you, a co-worker gossips about you, a spouse commits adultery against you, an employee steals from you, or a friend hurts you by their actions or words, it is difficult to manage the anger, bitterness, and desire for revenge that you may feel. Anger can take over your life and control your thoughts to the extent that even Christians may feel that prayer and Bible reading “do not work!” We all must learn to manage anger, and we can by realizing these four principles.
First, realize what anger is. Anger is an emotion in all of us, and in its pure form is as holy a passion as love. Anger is love in motion to deal with whatever threatens what is loved. If you do not love, you cannot get angry. Because God’s love is perfect, He gets angry at whatever threatens what He loves. He is angry at sin and sinners who threaten what He loves. Because He is perfect, however, He is always slow to anger. Our anger becomes sinful when it is disordered, out of proportion, and when we soon become angry. When we love things out of order, that is we love ourselves, our power, our position, or our pleasure, then we soon get angry in a sinful way. God does not tell us “no anger,” but does tell us “soon anger” is wrong and “slow anger” is right.
For example, Haman’s anger was sinful because his love was selfish, proud, and disordered. He loved himself and his own power. He soon became angry toward those who threatened his own power, and this sinful anger led to his destruction.
Second, realize the importance of being “slow (to) anger.” Godly anger is always slow to anger. “Slow to anger” is an interesting phrase, because outside of Proverbs it is used almost exclusively of God’s long-suffering in being slow to anger (Ex.34:6-7; Joel 2:13; Jon.4:2; Nah.1:3). The one slow to anger is like God and is of great understanding (Prov.14:29). “Slow to anger” de-escalates the conflict rather than perpetuates it. Being slow to anger appeases strife (Prov.15:18) and is better than the mighty (Prov.16:32).
Next, realize the various dangers of “soon anger.” Soon anger brings foolishness:
He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated (Prov.14:17). Impulsive, impetuous anger leads to hot-headed behavior. Foolishness means you will will not skillfully apply the knowledge of God to your situation which results in bad decisions morally and verbally.
“Soon anger” also brings strife (Prov.15:18; 21:19; 26:21; 29:22; 30:33). If you lack self-control and get angry easily, strife will follow you around. Proverbs 26:21 says, “As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious man to kindle strife.”
Three final dangers of “soon anger” are it brings continual trouble (Prov.19:19), it brings loneliness (Prov.22:24) and it will bring destruction. “Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy?” (Prov.27:4) The word translated “anger” (ap) speaks of one’s outward appearance, with snorting nostrils blowing out steam. The word translated “wrath” (hema) speaks of the inner man boiling with resentment. You wear anger on your face, and it is boiling in your heart. (Prov.15:1,18; 21:14; 22:24; 27:4; 29:22 also use these two synonymous words.)
Anger will unleash overwhelming destruction and cruelty to those around you. These two “side-kicks” of anger: cruelty and destruction, will eventually result in irrational violence.
The fourth principle for anger management is to realize that disordered rage is healed when love is put in proper order. Proverbs 19:11 says, “The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.”
Proverbs 19:11 points us to Jesus Christ on the cross. Our Lord Jesus postponed or deferred His anger on the cross and endured intense hatred from man because He loved His Father who sent Him to accomplish His substitutionary sacrifice, and He loved us. His death was essential to fulfill His purpose in coming to earth and to save a sinful world. Through His infinite love, He endured the cross while despising the shame. Jesus’ love was ordered perfectly and so He controlled his spirit perfectly, showing His infinite might (Prov.16:32).
When we know and believe that we are loved everlastingly and infinitely by God through Jesus Christ’s work in the Gospel, we will begin to love God supremely. “We love Him, because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). When we love God first, then we will live for His glory. Only then will our disordered loves be put into proper order. Transformation occurs that leads us to love what God loves and hate what He hates. Then, our anger will be under control, for we will get angry as God gets angry, slowly, and only at what threatens His glory. Knowing that we are forgiven by the perfect once-and-for-all sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we will put away anger, and instead we will be “kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32). Loving God and living for His glory orders our lives properly. This is living in wisdom and in the fear of the LORD and is crucial for anger management.
Matt Recker is the pastor of Heritage Baptist Church in New York City.
Photo by Klara Kulikova on Unsplash