10 Simple Habits for a Better Christian Marriage

Sometimes relationship problems are not nearly as deep as we would imagine. We just have developed habits that sabotage our marriages, or we have not developed the habits to make them better. The following are nine simple habits that my wife and I have learned over time (and sometimes after too much time) are very important for intimacy and unity in our marriage. Maybe they will help you too.

Eat one meal a day together.

This is not just a marriage issue, it is a family essential. Families too often let competing schedules and life’s urgencies get in the way of family unity. What is more important than your family being a cohesive, loving family unit? You need a time daily where you eat with one another. That is the time where you can talk about your daily activities, laugh together, and participate in one another’s lives. Do not let kid’s sports schedules or personal hobbies get in the way. You don’t have to be legalistic about this. Growing up, and then with my own family, we typically ate together 5-6 days a week. Wednesday prayer meeting made that day difficult, but we would eat together on Saturday evenings and Sunday afternoons.

Go to bed together.

There are a lot of reasons for establishing this habit and they are not what you might initially think. That time, just before bed is often the most reflective time of the day. It is a time to have a short meaningful conversation or pray together. Most importantly it will help both of you get the sleep you need. Tired people are usually depressed and angry. People try to overcome the fatigue with energy drinks and caffeine while seeking to overcome the depressions with pills.

Rarely is anything good or worthy accomplished while staying up alone. Go to bed, kiss your spouse, and wish one another sweet dreams.

Make the bed.

Of course, by this, I mean more than just make the bed. Keep your home clean and neat. A disorganized environment generally leads to a sense of unrest and anxiety which translates into agitation in the marriage relationship. Both of you, pick up after yourselves, participate in keeping the house clean, and of course, make the bed.

Pray together.

I know this is convicting. Pray before meals. Pray before bed on a regular basis. Share needs and prayer requests. Then as a result of those prayers, pray for one another separately.

Say “I love you” often.

Often is not once a week or a month. Often is at least daily. Both wives and husbands need to hear this. You need to remind yourself of this. These are words that must not be just assumed, they need to be spoken sincerely.

Ask forgiveness specifically.

You will sin against one another. It’s inevitable. Anger or frustration will build-up, something will happen. My mother and father (who are the kindest and most gracious people I know) told me that they had their first argument on their way to their honeymoon!

When you sin against your spouse, own it as soon as possible. “I am sorry” does not cut it. Saying “sorry” might mean “I am sorry that you were so hurt by what I said.” My wife and I have had the habit over the years of naming the sin, calling it sin, and asking forgiveness for that sin. It goes something like this.

“Honey, when I said ___________________________ to you earlier today, I spoke in anger and not in submission to the Spirit. It was a sin. It was wrong. I should not have said that. Will you forgive me.”

Grant forgiveness specifically.

“It’s OK” is not a good enough answer to the spouse seeking forgiveness. The proper answer is something like “Thank you. I forgive you.” Forgiveness means that you no longer hold that sin on the record book. The account has been cleared with you. God knows the heart.

Talk about more than just life’s functional details.

In the business of life, it is easy for marital communication to become no more than functional details—the kid’s schedule, your schedules, what is for dinner, when is vacation, how much money is left in the bank account, the lawn needs mowing, etc. Married couples need to take time to talk about hopes and dreams, world events, what they are learning from the Bible, and more.

Avoid saying anything to a member of the opposite sex that you would not say in front of your spouse.

Trust and faithfulness are at the foundation of marriage. Unfaithfulness starts with how we think, moves to how we speak, and results in sinful behavior. When you complain to a member of the opposite sex about your spouse you are opening the door for unfaithfulness to occur. The same goes for flirting and suggestive behavior. When you play with fire, you will get burned, but in so doing you will also burn your wife, kids, parents, friends, church, and everyone else in your life that matters to you. It displeases and dishonors your Lord. It is not worth it.

Say thank you.

Say it to God first. Discontent starts with ingratitude. Thank God for your spouse–and mean it.  Then say thank you to one another. Saying thank you often is one of the way of noticing all the things that you do for one another that you begin to take for granted over the years. Never lost the spirit of thanksgiving.

There is more to a good marriage than just these things, but if you do these things consistently, I guarantee you it will help—a lot.

 

Photo by Ian MacKenzie