Unchristian Thinking about Christian Weddings

If you are truly Christians—both bride and groom—then you should plan a Christian wedding. And both bride and groom should be Christians, but that is another article. The idea that wedding magazines, Pinterest, and bridal websites set the standards and practices for Christian weddings is an abomination. Brides to be (and moms!), stop letting that stuff form your view of what a Christian wedding should be.

Here are four commonly held ideas about weddings that run contrary to the teaching of the scripture. This article is intended to free young couples from the bondage of meeting worldly expectations and open them up to the true, beautiful joys of a Christian wedding.

It’s the bride’s day.

“How dare you tell her she can’t do that! It’s her day! She should be able to do whatever she wants to do.” said the mother of the bride.

Really?  Is a Christian wedding supposed to be all about the bride? For Christians every day is the Lord’s Day. Every decision is the Lord’s decision. Everything we do must glorify Him. The “It’s her day” thinking is either worldly brainwashing about what a wedding is supposed to be, or it is evidence of an overall unchristian worldview.

It’s a day of Christian testimony. Newer believers usually get this. They want to use their wedding to share their faith with unbelieving family and friends. After all, marriage and the wedding ceremony are a teaching picture of the relationship between Christ and the church so it is a beautiful way to share true salvation with those who need it. It’s the kids who have grown up in church and often live marginal Christian lives that want to push the gospel message out of the institution that God designed to convey it.

The biblical analogy matters. The New Testament Jewish wedding is the context for Christ describing His relationship with the Church.

The joy of the groom is preparing a place for the bride. In the biblical analogy, he spends his time from the betrothal to the wedding preparing a living place for his bride.

The joy of the bride is preparing herself for the groom. The bride is not preparing for all the friends and others to admire her. Her goal is for the groom to be pleased with her on that day. For her, the day is about her Lord and about the groom. For him, the day is about his Lord and the bride that God has given to him.  Guests are invited to share that joy.

It’s a day to show off your wealth, or at least not be thought of as “cheap.”

I worked at a jewelry store when I was in college. Retail jewelry stores typically sell poor merchandise at inflated prices. Even though I had a significant store discount, I found a much better deal on a diamond and wedding set in a discount setting than in my own store. It got a better ring, a better diamond, at a better price. Some people would feel guilty about looking for a good deal on an engagement ring. A few years ago, jewelry stores were suggesting that a young man spend three month’s salary on an engagement ring. With that thinking, a young man on a $20 per hour salary should spend more than $10,000 on ring. That is not just silly, it is financial foolishness.

And the tendency now is for all the girlfriends to measure the worth of the fiancé by how much he spends on the ring. This is also foolish thinking and the woman who thinks this way is a catch to be avoided.

When people with moderate incomes are brow-beaten into spending like they are rich, they remain poor forever.

The same goes for the wedding and reception. For the bride’s family (and sometimes the groom’s), there is great pressure to maintain social status by spending lavishly on a one-day ceremony. The amounts often spent would make a fine downpayment on a house—which many young people today say they cannot afford to buy. The Bible tells us that comparing ourselves among ourselves is not wise.

Just because you have the money does not mean you should spend it on such temporary things. Wonderful, beautiful, weddings do not have to be exorbitantly expensive.

The wedding industry is also conditioning invitees into selfish expectations. When my wife and I got married more than 40 years ago we had to pay for our own wedding. Both sets of parents were in difficult financial circumstances and could not help much. We had a simple ceremony with cake, punch, and nuts reception. That was common in our kind of church at the time, and no one thought of expecting more.

I mentioned this to someone recently and they said, “Well, times have changed, pastor.” Practices have changed. It’s true. But why? Who called it cheap? Wedding venues, planners, caterers, and a culture that is now about flaunting wealth. We need to change this culture with its expectations, especially within a church family.

Let’s have a party.

While a wedding is a time of joy, neither the wedding nor the reception should be a time of unchristian foolishness or even sinfulness. Even Christian wedding receptions have become a celebration of carnality and even drunkenness. 1 Corinthians 10:31 applies to the reception as well as the ceremony.  The New Testament openly forbids such unrestrained revelry, and yet Christians openly flaunt it at weddings.

The groom is an accessory.

The groom is an accessory because modern wedding practices have made him such. “But men don’t care” the girls say. But what the men know is that if they did care, it would not matter anyway.

Consider this. If the earthly wedding is a copy of the heavenly wedding between Christ and the Church, it is inconceivable that Jesus Himself should be turned into an accessory in that blessed future event. We treat weddings like it is a female conquest. The groom has been caught, trapped. This is foolish, worldly, and unbiblical thinking on the part of both men and women.

There is nothing wrong with being joyful, having fun, and celebrating marriage for the beautiful thing that God created it to be. But it is so important that we think biblically, not just about marriage, but also about the wedding itself.

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Audio version of this post: Unchristian Thinking about Christian Weddings

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